Monday, December 29, 2003

Everyone's talking about rock and roll but I just want to stay at home

Regarding seeing my ex-girlfriend at Target:

Me: She lives in Utah.
Jeff: What do they do in Utah? Climb mountains?
Me: I think they go to church.
Jeff: Same thing really.

Christmas was good. I got lots of cool stuff. My favorite thing so far is the digital camera. I've been taking lots of pictures of things...well, lots of pictures of steph actually, but other things too. I'm totally stoked because we're going to monterey this weekend, and I've never been there before. It's going to be sweet. Time to find a bigger memory chip for my camera so I can take lots of cool pictures. Yay!

Friday, December 19, 2003

Love what you are, not what you would like to be

Well, here it is. My top ten list. I'll forwarn you; it'll probably change in the next couple of days. But as of right now, this is it. You may not agree with me. That's fine. Make your own top ten list. Then crumple it up and throw it away, cause you'll be wrong :} I'm joking of course....I'm not that big of a snob. With out much further ado, here it is. My Top Ten Albums of 2003.

1. Alkaline Trio - "Good Mourning"
2. Death Cab for Cutie - "Transatalnticism"
3. The Kills - "Keep on Your Mean Side"
4. Lawrence Arms - "The Greatest Story Ever Told"
5. Interpol - "Turn on the Bright Lights"
6. Thursday - "War All the Time"
7. Cat Power - "You are Free"
8. Weakerthans - "Reconstruction Site"
9. Brand New - "Deja Entandu"
10. Thrice - "The Artist in the Ambulance"

Wednesday, December 17, 2003

Tried to bleed the sickness, but we drianed our hearts instead...we are the dead

Time to get down *does drunken irish jig*. Finals are almost over. Oh yeah. Uh huh. Yeah. You know you like it...

Anyway, by this time tomorrow, I'll become a lazy bastard (I know most of you are thinking "become? you already are." To those of you thinking that, I have one thing to say...You have a good point), and do nothing but play video games and watch movies. That is until Steph tells me to get off my lazy ass and go to work. Speaking off work, I hate people during the holidays. Everyone is always in such a hurry and grumpy and wants everything done for them right now. Not gonna happen. Sorry. I'd rather talk about my top ten albums of the year with my co-workers than to help you find Bad Boys 2. Here's a hint: It's not going to be in the 'w' section. Speaking of my top ten..well, here are the contenders:

Alklaine Trio -"Good Mourning"
The Kills - "Keep on Your Mean Side"
Interpol - "Turn on the Bright Lights"
Thrice - "The Artist in the Ambulance"
Thursday - "War All the Time"
Lawrence Arms - "The Greatest Story Ever Told"
Cat Power - "You Are Free"
Blink 182 - S/T
A Perfect Circle - "13th Step"
Death Cab for Cutie - "Transatlanticism"
Postal Service - "Give Up"
Weakerthans - "Reconstruction Site"
Brand New - "Deja Entandu"
New Amsterdams - "Worse for the Wear"

Yeah..I know...I need to narrow it down. Steph is shaking her head at me right now. With good reason. I've been talking about this a lot. Anyway, I should go and not do other stuff. Okay. Peace

Monday, December 08, 2003

This is My Body, This is the Blood I Found

War was declared last night. Steph and I were attacked by two people (I'm looking right at you, Alissa and Eric). The attack was vicious and calculated. The first sock was thrown and around 9 PM Pacific Time, and many more volleys of deadly sock rockets (not to be confused with snot rockets) followed. The whole battle lasted a good 20 minutes, and it was clear that we were victorious. Evil was defeated......okay, so that was a long winded way of saying that Steph and I had a sock war with Alissa and Eric. Needless to say, it was the mosty exercise I've gotten in months, possibly years. Then we played the new Marion Kart, drinking a whole bottle of tequilla in the process. At some point I ended up falling off our bed and hitting my knee, making it bleed. I started whining, but Steph told me to stop being a baby and go to sleep. So I did. Oh yeah, I took a test and found out that I am Josef Stalin. Go figure.

Thursday, December 04, 2003

Eat me

I came to post. My stuffy nose had other plans. So everyone can just kiss my ass if they feel dissapointed. All one of you. Eat me.

Sickness makes me angry. I'm sorry. More later.

Thursday, November 20, 2003

Mix the chemicals right, dear. Mix the chemicals right

I've been very ambitious tonight. I finished my evolution and biometry labs already, and I was assigned both of them today. I rule. Of course, this has nothing to do with the fact that Steph's been sleeping on the couch since I got home because she's sick. It has nothing to do with that...but everything to do with my outstanding work ethic....right. Now I'm watching Monty Python's Flying Circus, trying to think of something else to do. I do have more homework, but screw that shit. I'm not that ambitious. Thank god for video games :)

Wednesday, November 12, 2003

Ah.....

DSL is finally at my house....wireless DSL nonetheless (none the less?). Not only will I be happy, but Steph will be much happier because she won't have to listen to me complain about how much dial up sucks. It's a win-win situation. Not much else has been going on lately....same old crap. We're going to see Less Than Jake and Fall Out Boy Friday, then Good Charlotte and Goldfinger next saturday, and then Alkaline Trio the saturday after that. Fuckin' A. Oh, and Blink in December. That's a lot of concerts. Anyway, time to go check the new Homestar, because Matt told me they mention Teddy Grahams, and those rock. Bye.

Monday, October 27, 2003

The Punchline is the Way That You've Been Fucking Yourself

My room has reached near completion. I have a book case now, so my DVDs are out of boxes and my books are easily accessible. Steph's pretty much got all her stuff moved in too. It's actually starting to look like our room. It's really cool. It's awesome living with her; I love every second of it. Except when she tries to grab my nipples. That kind of sucks. Oh yeah, I kind iof hurt my back today carrying the book case up my stairs. I thought I threw it out at first, but it seems that it just decided that what I was doing was stupid and just tightened up on me. Hey, I didn't have to go to class today, so I didn't really mind.

So it's been awhile since I've posted. Let's see....what's happened lately. I bonded with Steph's dad by drinking Maker's Mark and playing pool with him. I got pretty drunk, but it went well. He never shared his good whisky with Steph's last boyfriend, so that's a good sign. I'm kind of hoping that Jeff does leave work. We had a little confrontation last week, and he's just been really negative lately. It's not fun to be around him, and I don't really see him changing how he feels anytime soon. It sucks cause I really like Jeff and I have a great time when I work with him, but I've been trying to decrease the negative influences in my life. So yeah. Steph just got back from brushing her teeth, so it's time to start homework. And then bed. Cause I'm tired. Bye.

Saturday, October 18, 2003

I choose my friends by the beating of their heart, not the swelling of their heads

I swear that the dumbest, angriest people come out of their holes on Saturdays. I know. I work in retail. And I end up hating every customer by the end of every Saturday. Thankfully, I don't close on Saturday's that often, and it seems like the assholes don't come out until later in the day. But at least I'm home now. I'm anxiously waiting for my DSL to be turned on. None of this dial-up bull shit. I saw Saves the Day and Taking Back Sunday last night. TBS was awesome, and STD was good, but a little boring. Going to punk shows always makes me feel/think two things: I always feel so fucking old, and I'm always reminded of how many people think that being punk means that they have to be annoying little fucks. Okay. I'm done ranting now. Time for coffee.

Monday, October 06, 2003

I Can Hardly Wait Until I get the Sun and Your Lips Both Pressing on my Skin

I'm in ecology right now, not paying attention, because we're doing the same stuff that we do in biometry. Thank god for wireless. So I'm in a relationship now. Wow. I just told the professor how to do something. Give me money. I know what I'm doing. Anyway, things are going well. I feel grown up and stuff. I have a relationship, my own place, and debt. I'm all growns up. Mikey's the winner. Bye. Michelle says hi. She's just as bored as I am right now.

Wednesday, September 24, 2003

Keep On Your Mean Side

I'm officially an Apple user. Yay me.

Went and saw the Kills tonight. Awesome. The lead singer girl reminded me of Helena Bonham Carter from "Fight Club;" she paced around the stage like a caged animal and I expected her to explode and start screaming her head off at any moment. Long live rock n roll. On a related topic, I've been going to a hell of a lot of shows lately. Send me money.

Last couple of days have been good. I've been feeling a lot better lately. I do feel kind of dumpy right now, but that's probably because it's 3:30 in the morning and I'm still awake.

Time to do more things on my laptop that I could already do with other things in my house. I just choose to do them with my laptop cause it makes me look cool.

Friday, September 19, 2003

I've Seen More Spine in Jellyfish, I've Seen More Guts in 11 Year Old Kids

Okay. Don't laugh. I was looking at the moon tonight and it looked totally awesome. Clouds were moving from out in front of it, slowly revealing more of the moon to the night scape. It made me think about how I've always thought it would be so amazing to be able to go to the moon and look at the earth from that vantage point. I'm 22 and I sound like a 5 year old boy who dreams of being an astronaut. I don't know. I know that it's something that I'll probably never be able to do, but if I was given the chance to do anything, that would be at the top of my list. And I swear to god that I wasn't drunk while I was thinking this. Honest. Okay. You can laugh now.

Thursday, September 18, 2003

Ugh...

I ate way too much Chinese food and now I don't feel good. But it was so yummy.

About Those Bitter Songs You Sing....

*looks around*....wow....been awhile since I've been here. Hope I still have some sort of a ragtag group of people reading this thing. If not...oh well. So let's see...what's new. I'm a Mac user now (well, at least I will be, once my laptop gets here). I may be going to Argentina in December to search for dinosaur bones. Ow. I just poked myself in the eye...Saw the Weakerthans last night. They were really good. John was happy the whole night. And they played my favorite song. Rocking. I think that's about it. I need to go to sleep. I just did my biometry homework and now my head hurts. Oh, and as for those bitter songs...."they're not helping anything. They won't make you strong."

"How I don't know how to sing. I can barely play this thing. But you never seem to mind, and you tell me to fuck off when I need somebody to. How you make me laugh so hard. How whole years refuse to stay where we told them to, bad dog, locked up whining in a word or a misplaced souvenir. How the past chews on your shoes, and these memories lick my ear. How we waste our precious time marching in the picket lines that surrond those striking hearts. How the time is never now, and we know who we should love, but we're never certain how. I know you might roll your eyes at this, but I'm so glad that you exist."

Weakerthans "Reasons"

Hell yeah

Tuesday, September 09, 2003

Thursday is on Monday This Week

Thursday was awesome. Woe to whoever missed it.

"There was honor among the thieves, the only truth I could believe. But when the lies applied to me and mine it's better left unsaid. We could write the hit parade outside the masquerade. The headache comes in tidal waves, the spoils of the spoiled. The lines of history became the scenary. It's strictly an accessory, an image to uphold. But it's all in fun and sin until someone calls it in. The cycle comes around again. But I'm older now, and don't you know, I've figured out the antidote. It overwhelms, engulfed in smoke. It's all we can to cope. Goddamn these idle hands as hindsight can. Our hopes and plans are unfulfilled. It's overwhelming. There's a proper place and time though the bags under your eye, they don't lie."

New Amsterdams "The Spoils of the Spoiled"

Monday, September 08, 2003

My birthday was lots of fun. Thanks to all my friends who celebrated it with me and added more fun than there would have been if I had just played video games all night. I'm tired. I really need to clean my room. What are you going to do about it?

Friday, September 05, 2003

I'm Sinking Like a Stone in the Sea

It's officially my birthday. I'm 22. I'm old. I was walking out on the golf course with Jay and Nic, drinking Buzzweiser, when my birthday rolled around. We were all pretty drunk. I got sprayed by a couple of sprinklers. No killer goose this time, so it was a plus. Time for bed. So tired...three hours of sleep and then 9 hours of school is not a good mix. Happy birthday to me.

Thursday, September 04, 2003

I Would Kill for the Atlantic, But I'm Paid to Make Girls Panic

I'm in a strange situation. I'm trying to figure out how something that feels right for both parties involved still somehow doesn't end up working. I feel like I'm missing something really obvious, and as soon as I figure it out, I can just say "There. Problem fixed. Everything will be fine now." But of course we all know that things aren't that easy. I guess we'll figure something out at some point.

Monday, September 01, 2003

Someone scratch my head. Please

I really have no concept of what's going on right now. I need sleep

Thursday, August 28, 2003

You might roll your eyes at this, but I'm so glad that you exist

Started school today. I hate thie first day of classes. Sitting around while the professor goes over the syllabus is no fun. I just wish we could skip all that crap and just get into the material. I mean, it's college. We should be able to read the syllabus and figure things out for ourselves. Anyway, looks like my ecology class is going to be fun. That class will tell me if I do actually want to be an ecologist.

"Maybe I just set aside
the fact that you were broken hearted
in my own special selfish way
and if I hadn't set aside
the fact that you were broken hearted
hell knows where your heart would be today
maybe with me"

-alklaine trio "sorry about that"

Tuesday, August 26, 2003

"Look, the bottom line is, you're going to be fine. You're just a kid. You know what, you grow up and everything ...well, it doesn't work out."
-Coach McGuirk

Monday, August 25, 2003

A Sonnet for Those That Have No Sonnet
I couldn't stop the stars from falling
the night you didn't say goodbye
I couldn't stop my hands from trembling
or bring myself to cry
I can't find myself when I'm lost in the darkness
where your visions still haunt me without the aid of light
These are the words I could never write
a composition so jagged it rips the paper it is written on
and it makes my fingers bleed
Your life came falling down
and I couldn't hold it up
I can't even hold myself up
I couldn't help you as you died
and now I have to say goodbye
I've been feeling the urge lately to isolate myself. Guess there's a lot of things that I just don't want to deal with right now. I'm trying my best to fight that urge though. I think I've been doing a pretty good job so far. I know that isolating myself will just make me feel worse than I do right now. It just seems like things are crazy right now. The wife of one of my dad's best friend's tried to commit suicide the other night. I didn't realize it until a couple of minutes ago, but it's really bothering me, and I don't really know why. Sure, it's a horrible thing, but I don't even really know her that well. I know her husband more than her, but I still don't know him that well. And yet this is really bothering me. Maybe it's because I see it as a confirmation that things really are going insane. Maybe it unsettles me because I used to feel that way, and it scares me that one day I may feel that way again. I don't know. I just want to feel happy again. I don't have to work again til 5 pm on Tuesday, so maybe the down time between now and then will help me grasp a hold of things and give me time to rest, cause I haven't been sleeping that much lately. I'm hoping that will help.

Saturday, August 23, 2003

I Don't Want You if You Don't Want Me

Freddy Vs. Jason is one of the funniest movies I've seen in awhile. It was awesome.

Saw Tim play tonight. It was so good. His vocals were finally turned up loud enough so that the audeince could actually hear him.

Jay and Nic are moving out. Bastards.

Quote of the day: "I could shit you into submission." - Jay

Thursday, August 21, 2003

Finally. A Chance to be Lazy

I finally have a day off. After working nine straight days, I can loaf around the house. Except I have things I need to do. At least I don't have to work.

Jay and I helpd Ed get his new trade section organized. Well, I should say Jay helped Ed. I just read Powers. Alissa, it's time you break down and read it. Do it!

Frank Miller's Robocop is fucking awesome. Robocop's name needed to be cleansed after all those crap video games.

I really want to write some new stuff, but it seems that I've hit a dry spell. I have a lot of things kicking around in my head, but can't really formulate more than just single lines or phrases. Somone inspire me dammit.

Wednesday, August 20, 2003

If You Don't Like Being Hurt Then Please Don't Stay

I've had a couple of people tell me over the past couple of days that I've been more withdrawn lately. I guess to some extent that's true. I think it has to do with the fact that I've realized that a situation that I hoped would turn out my way is not going to turn out my way. So I think it's a defense mechanism. I feel like I have to isolate myself so that nothing bad will happen to me. I wish that wasn't the case, because if I know that it's not going to work out my way, then that should be enough to keep me from getting hurt. Makes sense, right? It might also be because it feels like I'm constantly around people, like I have no time to myself. It's kind of a double edged sword. I love all my friends and I love hanging out with them. But I do also have this feeling that I need to be by myself sometimes. So I think that's where the withdrawing comes from. I don't know. I wish that I could just put myself out there and not worry about things that I shouldn't even have to be worrying about. For some reason I have a hard time just being myself sometimes. I admit that I'm mainly writing this for Steph, because she's asked me what's going on with me and I've never known how to explain it. I think it will get better once school starts because then I'll have something to focus on. Right now I don't have anything to focus on, and so I end up focusing on things that really don't even matter and that I shouldn't worry about. I'm babbling. So I'll stop. I hope this clears things up for people. If it just confuses you more, I'm sorry.

Home movies is one of the best shows ever. Coach is my hero.

Tuesday, August 19, 2003

Wow...uh...wow

Watched Daredevil last night. Affleck's hair was amazing. I couldn't stop thinking about it. Help me.

Sunday, August 17, 2003

While You're Waiting, be Thankful for Your Fingers. I'll be fading with the Color of Your Pictures

"If it's okay, I'll just grab my shit and leave
I won't say one word, I'll keep my tricks up my sleeve
Flew off the handle you opened fire on me
Put me down, put me out of misery
I'm fatally yours"

"Fatally Yours" - Alkaline Trio

Saturday, August 16, 2003

Arg

I can't sleep. I hate not being able to sleep. The worst part is that I'm tired as fuck and I still can't fall asleep. Curses. Time for Curveball I guess.

Would You Like Some Hard Candy?

Went to see Noe Venable the other night with Jay and Alissa (yay! she got to go). I'm in love. Noe's great. She did an awesome cover of a Leonard Cohn song (that's when I fell in love). She had great stage prescense. I love her.

Jay and I are burger buddies now. We both ate the $10 burger from Mel's. I think I had an illegal amount of beef in my bloodstream.

Beef lo mein.

Thursday, August 14, 2003

Damn You Nintendo

So I got a shipment of crack in the mail today. No, I'm not talking about the drug. I'm talking about a game called Wario Ware. It's not illegal, but it's just as addictive. I spent the last two hours playing mini-games that involved jumping over a hot dog on wheels and other crazy stuff that only the Japanese could come up with. God I love that country.

Ed and Jay took me to Hallie's today. That was one of the best breakfastes I've ever had. It was worth getting up at 8 this morning.

Wednesday, August 13, 2003

Spider....he's our hero?

Jay just got me out of bed at 2 in the morning to help him kill a spider. It was red and scary. We were going to videotape it, but that meant that I would have had to put the slipper down. I probably won't be able to sleep tonight.

Monday, August 11, 2003

"This song is about last night. It's called 'This is Getting Over You'"

Wow. It's been awhile since I've blogged. Haven't be up to much lately. Although I did see Alkaline Trio twice. Rock. The first show was amazing...so much better than the Slim shows. The band was right on on all the songs, and you could tell that they were having a good time (especially Matt). Speaking of Matt, we shared a moment ("now that was a shared moment"). They played Cringe. Matt looked straight at me (and no, this isn't just a "I know he looked at me!" He was looking right at me) and we both sang the last line of the song while looking and smiling at each other ("You were the last good thing I ever saw...."). Yeah. I have an unhealthy obsession with Matt Skiba. The whole show was really awesome, and the venue (The Edge nightclub) was a really good venue as well. The second show was good as well, but not as awesome as the first show.

I'm pretty drunk right now. Alissa is going home tomorrow :{

I got the new Weakerthans album three weeks before it comes out. God I love Amoeba.

I think that's it.....bye

Thursday, August 07, 2003

Eating day has a new chef

Next Wednesday will be a historic day for my eating day history (okay, so I've only had two eating days, but it's historic none the less). It will be the first eating day in which I place my trust solely in the hands of Jay. Why is that you ask? Well, it's because he is now head comic honcho (or comic lacky) at the ROhnert Park comic store. Will he be able to make good recommendations? Will he make me laugh like ed? Tune in sometime after wednesday to find out. I know you're as excited as I am (that is if you as big a loser as I am).

Two more days until I get to see Matt.

Wednesday, August 06, 2003

Zombies are the new monkeys?

Saw 28 Days Later today. It rocked. It's the best zombie movie since, well, since ever, since most of the zombie movies I've seen sucked ass. It's a good story and it looks nice too cause it was shot with digital cameras. Cool.

I've broken three of my guitar strings. It's 8 PM. No music stores are open. What the hell am I going to do? Oh...I know...video games.

Tuesday, August 05, 2003

Forget me, it's that simple

I feel so messed up inside I don't know what to do with myself. I can't even begin to describe it. I don't want to feel like this anymore. It's like I'm back in high school for crying out loud. Make it stop.

Monday, August 04, 2003

So take all these lies and be real again

Current chapter end....now

New chapter begin.... now

Sunday, August 03, 2003

Oh god....

Our cat has butt worms. I know this because he sneezed and shot one onto my arm. Feeling sick yet? Good. Now you know how I feel.

Saturday, August 02, 2003

People are really, amazingly dumb -or- I am never ever going back to Fairfax

So let me tell you about last night. Last night I went to see Tim of Mother Hips' fame in Fairfax. I went with Jeff, my co-worker. Jeff was totally full of energy and crazy, so hence I became very full of energy and crazy. I don't think the two of us have ever been crazier. Anyway, we get to the club (which is a pretty nice, small club), and the drunken craziness begins. The second I step in, and I mean the very second I step in, some drunk lady walks up to me and asks me if I know that I have to pay to get in. I let her know that I am aware of the fact. She says, "Isn't that unbelievable?" I nod my head in agreement, not wanting to upset the scary drunk woman. She seems satisfied and walks away. Okay. I pay and am in. Jeff and I walk to the back and comment on how small the place is. I go back to the doors to ask if any bands had played yet. After I find out that one had already played, I turn around, and this really cute girl starts talking to me. I get the feeling that the only reason she is talking to me and flirting with me is because she's trying to get me to buy the first bands cd (she was working the table). I ask her what they sound like. She says a little bit of Zepplin and AC/DC. I immediately decide that even though she is cute, I am not going to buy the cd. So I felt a little down that the only reason that she was talking to me was because she was trying to push a shitty cd on me. But that's not the point. The point is is that I was actually able to flirt back and have a somewhat intelligent conversation with her. So I was stoked. So we watched the second band. They sucked. The bassist pissed me off because he was wearing a stupid Dire Straits bandana and he was playing a headless bass, which I hate for some unexplainable reason. Right about the middle of their set I had my second run in with a drunk person. He was evidently the photographer for the club and he was very, very inebriated. He asks me how the hell is he supposed to photograph them when they suck so hard. I agree with him, again not wanting to anger the scary drunken stranger. So he goes wondering off (the dude was pacing the club all night). A couple minutes later, he comes back, says something to me, turns around and runs into our table, knocking my glass off. It of course shatters on the dance floor (thank god I had already drank all of the life giving beer). He wanders off to get someone to clean it up, and I just put my head in my hands, shaking it, wondering how I became a drunk magnent all of a sudden. After that, thet rest of the night was pretty normal. Tim ruled, and he looks like my dad would look if he were a skinny surfer boy. Weird. And I met Jeff's friend Bunky, whose friend is dating Chad from New Found Glory. Strange.

My hand hurts. Jay is going to be phone buddies with me. God I'm so pathetic.
I've had this really uneasy feeling in my stomach lately. I don't know what caused it or why it's around, but I have this constant feeling that something is not right.

I'll tell you all about my night tomorrow. I'm way too tired to talk about it now.

Friday, August 01, 2003

Jay told me to focus on the positive, so I'm going to try

So yeah. Jay told me to talk about more happier things. So Yacht Club was cool. Played darts with Ed and Jay. Drank a little, but didn't get too drunk. Now I finally get to read the comics I bought today. So I guess it's not all bad. Right Jay? You bastard.

Jay told me to title this "Today Sucked" so I am

Today sucked. I don't handle arguments and yelling very well, and suffice to say I was in an environment with a lot of arguments and yelling. It made me feel like I was living at home again, which is all sorts of bad. Seriously, this happened like 6 hours ago and I'm still on edge about it. I just do not take confrontations very well at all, and I still feel very uneasy about it. And I have to get up at 9 tomorrow to do yardwork. Joy of joy. I'm going to try and sleep now. Fun.

Thursday, July 31, 2003

There's no going back now....

I went to the comic book store with Jay today. $58 later, I am officially a comic book nerd. I don't think there's any hope for me now, but at least I have some good reading material.

I have no desire to see through my own eyes anymore

I've come to the conclusion that I am no good at winning arguments. So I think I'll avoid getting into them as much as possible.

I can't wait until my therapist gets back from vacation.

Wednesday, July 30, 2003

I've been listening to a lot of Bright Eyes lately. Basically what I've done is gone from my standard drunken sad bastard music (Alkaline Trio) to new drunken sad bastard music. So don't be suprised if I post a lot of Bright Eyes lyrics over the next couple of days.

I have two days in a row off. I'm going to play so many video games it's not even funny.

"Sunrise, sunset, sunrise, sunset, swiftly go the days
Sunrise, sunset, you wake up, then you undress, it always is the same
A sunrise and a sunset, you are lying while you confess, keep trying to explain
The sunrise and the sun sets, you realize and then you forget
What you have been trying to retain
But everybody knows that it's all about the things that get stuck inside of your head
Like the songs your roommate sings, a vision of her body as she stretches out on your bed
She raised her hands in the air, asked you
"When was the last time you looked in the mirror?
'Cause you've changed, yeah, you've changed"
Sunrise, sunset, you're hopeful, then you regret, the circle never breaks
With a sunrise and sunset there's a change of heart or address, is there nothing that remains?
For a sunrise or a sunset, you're manic or you’re depressed, will you ever feel ok?
For a sunrise and a sunset, your lover is an actress, did you really think she'd stay?
For a sunrise or a sunset, you're either coming or you just left
But you're always on the way
Towards a sunrise or a sunset, a scribble or a sonnet, they are really just the same
To the sunrise or the sunset, the master and his servant have exactly the same fate
It’s a sunrise and a sunset, from a cradle to a casket, there is no way to escape
The sunrise and the sunset, hold your sadness like a puppet, keep putting on the play
But everything you do is leading to the point where you just won’t know what to do
And at the moment you are laughing, there is someone there who will be laughing louder than you
So it’s true, the trick is complete
You've become everything you said you never would be
You’re a fool, you're a fool
Sunrise, sunset, sunrise, sunset
The sunrise and the sunset, go home to your apartment
Put the cassette in the tape deck and let that fever play
Sunrise, sunset, where are you, Arienette?
Where are you, Arienette?"

"Sunrise, Sunset" - Bright Eyes
"If you walk away, I'll walk away
First tell me which road you will take
I don't want to risk our paths crossing some day
So you walk that way, I'll walk this way

And the future hangs over our heads
And it moves with each current event
Until it falls around like a cold, steady rain
Just stay in when it's looking this way

And the moon's laying low in the sky
Forcing everything metal to shine
And the sidewalk holds diamonds,
Like a jewlery store case
They argue walk this way, no walk this way

And Laura's asleep in my bed
As I'm leaving she wakes up and says,
"I dreamed you were carried away,
On the crest of a wave. Baby, don't go away.
Come here."

And there's kids playing guns in the street
And one's pointing his tree branch at me
So I put my hands up, I say "Enough is enough.
If you walk away, I'll walk away."
And then he shot me dead

I found a liquid cure
For my land-locked blues
It will pass away, like a slow parade
It's leaving, but I don't know how soon

And the worlds got me dizzy again
You'd think after 22 years I'd be used to the spin
And it only feels worse when I stay in one place
So I'm always pacing around,
or walking away

And I'm drinking the ink from my pen
And I'm balancing history books up on my head
And it all boils down to one quotable phrase
"If you love something, give it away."

A good woman will pick you apart
A box full of suggestions for a possible heart
And you may be offended, you may be afraid
But don't walk away, don't walk away

We made love on the living room floor
With the noise in the background
From televised war
And in a defeaning pleasure
I thought I heard someone say
"If we walk away, they'll walk away."

But greed is a bottomless pit
And our freedom's a joke, we're just taking a piss
And the whole world must watch
The sad comic display
If you're still free, start running away
'Cuz they're coming for ya

I've grown tried of holding this pose
I feel more like a stranger each time I come home
So I'm making a deal with the devils of fame
Saying "Let me walk away, please."

You'll be free, child, once you have died
From the shackles of language
In measurable time
And then we can trade places
play musical graves
tell them walk away, walk away, walk away

So I'm up at dawn
Putting on my shoes
I just want to make a clean escape
I'm leaving, but I don't know where to I'm leaving, but I don't know where to"

"One Foot in Front of the Other" - Bright Eyes

Tuesday, July 29, 2003

I hate you with a passion

Have I mentioned that I hate going to the dentist? No? Well, I hate going to the dentist. No one who prods my mouth with sharp metal objects and makes me drool on myself is no friend of mine.

Sunday, July 27, 2003

Will you still be waiting? That's something that I can't ask you to be

Okay. Let's recap tonight. First, I went to aroma's and drank entirely too much chai. Then, I went on a video scavanger hunt with 6 of my friends in which I carresed the crotch of a statue of a guy playing an accordian and sang a tender love song to a pack of hotdogs in Safeway. Then, I dressed up in women's clothing which was entirely too tight for me (everyone cross-dressed. I wasn't the only one. Not that there would be anything wrong with that). Then, I played Twister (still wearing women's clothing mind you). Then, we tied balloons to our feet and stomped around the living room trying to pop each other's balloons. The amazing thing? We were all stone cold sober. And it was a blast. And the picture of me singing to the pack of hot dogs is a classic. It'll probably end up on my Friendster page. I really don't know what to do with myself right now. I miss those hot dogs.....

Saturday, July 26, 2003

That's it, I quit, I don't give a shit

Too much caffeine....coming down....waiting to do video scavanger hunt, but have a feeling other person isn't going to show up....getting tired...very hot. Donuts sound good right now.

Friday, July 25, 2003

Why the fuck do relationships mean so much to me? When will I stop bitching about the fact that I'm single? Why don't I have enough confidence in myself to think that I can get a girlfriend? Why does all of this matter so much to me? How long until I go crazy or until I become a callous, cold hearted bastard?
I'm looking for girls on Friendster. Either I'm bored or completly desperate. Or a little of both.

Thursday, July 24, 2003

I really don't know what to do right now. My ex-girlfriend just moved to Utah. I haven't talked to her since October, but I emailed her when I found out she moved, and we've been conversing a bit since. I still am not 100% sure that I want to be talking to her. Our relationship ending kind of messy and she did some things to me that I won't ever forget. But at the same time, she was a really close friend of mine for three years, and I feel the need to try to repair what happened and try to be friends with her again. I'm not interested in her at all romantically anymore, but I still hold hopes that our friendship can get back to what it was before. Maybe I'm just crazy (there are some people who won't argue that). I really don't know what to do.

On a much less serious and more nerdy side note, Kingdom Hearts is a fun game, but it really pisses me off sometimes. I hate the battle system, and I really just want to stab Goofy in the eyes, but I have to play long enough to at least see Halloween Town. But as soon as I get that far, Goofy is as good as dead.

Wednesday, July 23, 2003

Destination Unknown....Ruby, Ruby, Ruby Soho

Watched "Final Destination 2" today...the script was pretty bad, acting kind of sucked, and plot was even more unbelievable than the first. So it wasn't quite as good as the first one. But some dude gets chopped into pieces by barbed wire. So it's an okay movie in my book.

I really want cookies right now.
Your Life is in Your Hands and You Don't Even Know It
I remember the day when my life bled through my hands
I remember the day they stood there and watched me die
How can I forget it?
The crying
The twisted faces
I remember it all
The feeling of my stomach twisting in on itself
Like it was made out of rope
Muscles no longer exist
They have atrophied into a tangled mess
I remember the day you lost faith
I remember the day that you looked at me in anger
Selfish was not a strong enough word
Tears were not a strong enough acid
I can not forget any of it
It haunts me at night and chases away sleep
Like it is something that is found in the wind
Peaceful nights no longer exist
They have dissolved away into tormented lucidity
I remember the day that you told me I have everything
And I remember throwing it all away

Tuesday, July 22, 2003

Beating a dead horse

Have I mentioned that the new Thrice album is amazing? If you like hardcore, even if you just like it a little, go buy it now.
"i sit here clutching useless lists
and keys for doors that don't exist
i crack my teeth on pearls
i tear into the history
just show me what it means to me in this world

cause i'm due for a miracle
i'm waiting for a sign
i'll stare straight into the sun
and i won't close my eyes
til i understand or go blind

i see the parts but not the whole
i study saints and scholars both
no perfect plan unfurls
do i trust my heart or just my mind
why is truth so hard to find in this world

i know there's a point i've missed
a shrine or stone i haven't kissed
a scar that never graced my wrist
a mirror that hasn't met my fist
but i can't help feeling that i'm

due for a miracle"

thrice "stare at the sun"

How can you think of yourself at a time like this

Wow. It's official. I'm an asshole.

Monday, July 21, 2003

"darling don't you know the water is poison?" and I say "Come on and give me my poison"

Okay....I have about 900 things to say, and I don't really know how to say them or the order in which to say them, so I'm sure this is going to be a jumbled mess. I apologize in advance.

I was told today that everyone in my life will hurt me at some point. As true as that may be (and has been) I still think it's bullshit. Maybe I just have too much faith in myself and the people I know, but I truly believe that we can put that belief to death. But that's probably just me being a little too optimistic.

The new Thrice album is amazing. Great hardcore songs with just the right amount of well placed screaming in songs of pain, hurt and hope. Awesome.

I know I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight. I haven't decided if I'm even going to try or not.

Another Failure
Bury me in this dirt I stand upon
And say all the nice words that you can think of
Because I don't think that I will breath ever again
Say your goodbyes and cry all your tears
i couldn't take your mind off him
yeah i'm just another failure

I knew that we were on two different levels. I just never knew that they were so far apart.

I don't appreciate what I have and take it all for granted.

At this point right now, I don't care about anything. I just want to sleep.

That's all I have for now. I'm sure I'll have more for later.

Sunday, July 20, 2003

How can we make it through today without thinking about tomorrow?

I need sleep. I've either been staying up too late or having trouble getting to sleep the past four or five days. My mind has been too active lately...it just won't shut off when I lay down to go to sleep. I probably should stop driking so much too...when I'm around people I'm fine, but when I call it a night and go to my bedroom and I'm alone, I start getting depressed. Too much thinking again....damn brain. I was always told that my brain would get me somewhere...it better start pulling it's weight or it's outta here. Anyway, time to be a lazy bum.

Lego's drawer was $60 short today because she couldn't read my handwriting...I feel really bad about it.

Oh, and I'm done smoking, hopefully for good. I didn't really enjoy it as much when I was smoking, and my throat hurt like hell this morning. So yeah. I really have no desire right now to smoke again. So that's good.

When you're on, you rip my heart right out

"Hoping for the best that's hoping nothing happens
a thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins
i will never ask if you don't ever tell me
i know you well enough to know you'll never love me"
-taking back sunday

Welcome back outcasts cause I know how you have felt over the years

I am so torn up right now, I don't even know where to begin. Somewhere along the line, there was a discussion about nuts being embedded in pastries, something about the (or is it a?) lizard and me feeding myself to Steph's dogs. I do not know the order nor do I know exactly what was said about each. All I know is that they were all the funniest things I have ever heard. I'll try to clear this up later.

Saturday, July 19, 2003

Everything I learned about breaking hearts I learned from you

huh....well, I had something to say when I sat down at my computer, but it seems to have left me. Farg it.

Friday, July 18, 2003

You were the last good thing I ever saw

Ever had those days when you thought that you were working the closing shift, so you stay up really late because you think that you get to sleep in, and then you wake up at 10 after about 3 hours of sleep to call your boss and ask if she can punch out some Alkaline Trio tickets for you and that you'll pay for them when you come in and she says sure, and then asks if you know you're supposed to be opening, and that you're already an hour late? And after work you're supposed to go to a party but you just go home and crash in your bed cause you're so damn tired that you don't really feel like doing anything? Welcome to my day. Oh well. at least I get to see Alkaline Trio at least two more times next month (possibly three...I'm working on the third). So I'm totally stoked by that. Anyway, time for sleep, so I can go to the party and not drink since I have to open tomorrow.

Thursday, July 17, 2003

Motown never sounded so good

Just watched "Bowling for Columbine" again. I'm moving to Canada. There is a sickness in this country that terrifies me. What makes us kill each other? What makes us hate each other. I'll never understang racism or homophobia or sexism or anything along those lines. I just can't understand how our society has come to fear and hate each other. Canada sounds so much nicer. And besides, they appreciate hockey more than America. Sounds like the perfect place for me.

"We all sing the songs of seperation and we've watched our lives bleed from our hands." - thursday

You know all my favorite singers have stolen all of my best lines

Did you ever crave sugar so much that you ate an entire jar of mott's cinnamon flavored apple sauce? No? Me neither.

I don't know what to do with myself right now. Suggestions are welcomed.

Wednesday, July 16, 2003

waiting for lego

Tegan and Sara are fucking rock goddesses. Any disagreements will not be tolerated.

"you went away cause you said you couldn't love me. I went away, cause all I do is love you."-Tegan and Sara

Tuesday, July 15, 2003

she sits down on the sidewalk and bites her bottom lip, and spends the afternoon willing traffic-lights to change

Okay kids. Sit down and listen closely, cause I'm about to say something I don't say that often. I'm happy. That 's right. You hear me correctly. Things in my life life are going pretty good right now. Sure, I'm still missing some key things in my life, and I had to hear that things were going good from two people before I was able to realize it, but all in all, things are good. It's weird how it was kind of hard to admit that things are going good and that I'm feeling happier...guess I feel like I'm betraying that gloomy side of me that 's been around for all these years. Oh well. Fuck it. I'm happy. And I know that eventually I'll obtain those key things that I'm still missing. So screw you depression.

So close to seeing Tegan and Sara...I can taste it :} And I promise that I won't smoke tonight.

Oh yeah....the air conditioner at work was emitting weird smells, so some guy came and made it smell better by using some citrus type cleaner. I felt like I was walking around in a lemon all day. Weird.

"Never look down, just keep my focus straight ahead and try to walk this line." - face to face

I Hate Waiting

Can I fast-forward my life to when I have all the things that I want in my life? That would be great.

I really don't want to open tomorrow. Damn work.

Monday, July 14, 2003

God did not build Irish people for running

Tried to run with Steph and her dogs today. Overweight and out of shape Irish men should not run. God my legs hurt. About this time tomorrow I'll be watching Tegan & Sara. There's nothing like seeing two cute Canadian lesbien twins rocking out. Hell yeah chocodile.

When do I get my own bitch?

I'm going to be a lab bitch next semester for one of my professors at school. I'm totally looking foward to it. I can't wait until I get to pickle my first crocodile.

Ren and Stimpy rule

You ever get that feeling like you're coming to a realization that you don't want to come to? No fun. Ren and Stimpy is even funnier when you're trashed. I wish I were a Canadian Kilted Yaksmen....

Sunday, July 13, 2003

Tom Clancy has far too much time on his hands

Started Ghost Recon today. It's pretty cool. Not a big fan of squad based games, but it's still fun. Except when the game switched me to my secondary character right as a bullet was headed for his head. Thanks game.

It's so frickin' hot I wish I could take off my skin. In fact, I may work on figuring out how I can do that with out bleeding to death.

Bloody Scissorfight

Hand me those scissors over there
so I can cut my heart out
because it doesn't know how to feel anymore
and it's just pumping air through my veins
you can even keep your hands on the handle if you'd like
and sever my ateries and cut the flesh away
make me bleed like i bleed every day
because i don't know what to do with myself
stab me with those scissors over there
i need to feel something other than doubt
cut me up in pieces and store me in a box
destroy everything about me in a bloddy scissor fight

Saturday, July 12, 2003

Ow my face

Went to Warped Tour today. Got sunburned (of course. Stupid Irish skin), have a huge bruise on my arm and nearly broke my finger. So of course it was a great time. There weren't as many bands that I wanted to see this year, but I rocked out during face to face (got to meet them too and get their autographs. Cool), and I got to see Less Than Jake, who are one of my favorite bands. Not only did I get to see Less Than Jake, but Talib Kweli came onto the stage during their set and he did some "rythmic flowing" while the band laid down a groove for him. Sweet. Good times.

As Good as Mine

Unbalanced feelings are what dominates this night
One-sided feelings are what dominates my mind
Blood stained carpets
and tear stained pillows are all I know
Atrophied fingers do not write poetry
They just spread the sickness
From my mind to yours
Until it poisons you
Like I've poisoned myself
Poisoned minds lead to poisoned hearts
Why else would I try to convince myself that you don't care?
Why do these thoughts matter to me at all?
Your guess is as good as mine
I've been hooked by the drug that is Friendster. There really is no hope at all for me.

Friday, July 11, 2003

We sell Warped Tour tickets where I work. The show sold out. I had to dissapoint cute punk girls all night by telling them that we had no tickets left. I'm a horrible person. Please stop the voice in my head.
self doubt = bad. sleep = good. doubt about being able to sleep = an equation I won't even pretend to be able to work out.

Thursday, July 10, 2003

Redrum rum was bequeathed to man from the gods above. It was sent down to us in a fiery chariot so that all of man-kind could imbibe it and feel better about life. Praise the gods!
my dad gave me a bunch of food from his house because he's on a low sodium diet now. so now i'm knee deep in easy to prepare oven goods. god help me.