You might roll your eyes at this, but I'm so glad that you exist

Started school today. I hate thie first day of classes. Sitting around while the professor goes over the syllabus is no fun. I just wish we could skip all that crap and just get into the material. I mean, it's college. We should be able to read the syllabus and figure things out for ourselves. Anyway, looks like my ecology class is going to be fun. That class will tell me if I do actually want to be an ecologist.

"Maybe I just set aside
the fact that you were broken hearted
in my own special selfish way
and if I hadn't set aside
the fact that you were broken hearted
hell knows where your heart would be today
maybe with me"

-alklaine trio "sorry about that"

"Look, the bottom line is, you're going to be fine. You're just a kid. You know what, you grow up and everything ...well, it doesn't work out."
-Coach McGuirk

A Sonnet for Those That Have No Sonnet
I couldn't stop the stars from falling
the night you didn't say goodbye
I couldn't stop my hands from trembling
or bring myself to cry
I can't find myself when I'm lost in the darkness
where your visions still haunt me without the aid of light
These are the words I could never write
a composition so jagged it rips the paper it is written on
and it makes my fingers bleed
Your life came falling down
and I couldn't hold it up
I can't even hold myself up
I couldn't help you as you died
and now I have to say goodbye

I've been feeling the urge lately to isolate myself. Guess there's a lot of things that I just don't want to deal with right now. I'm trying my best to fight that urge though. I think I've been doing a pretty good job so far. I know that isolating myself will just make me feel worse than I do right now. It just seems like things are crazy right now. The wife of one of my dad's best friend's tried to commit suicide the other night. I didn't realize it until a couple of minutes ago, but it's really bothering me, and I don't really know why. Sure, it's a horrible thing, but I don't even really know her that well. I know her husband more than her, but I still don't know him that well. And yet this is really bothering me. Maybe it's because I see it as a confirmation that things really are going insane. Maybe it unsettles me because I used to feel that way, and it scares me that one day I may feel that way again. I don't know. I just want to feel happy again. I don't have to work again til 5 pm on Tuesday, so maybe the down time between now and then will help me grasp a hold of things and give me time to rest, cause I haven't been sleeping that much lately. I'm hoping that will help.

I Don't Want You if You Don't Want Me

Freddy Vs. Jason is one of the funniest movies I've seen in awhile. It was awesome.

Saw Tim play tonight. It was so good. His vocals were finally turned up loud enough so that the audeince could actually hear him.

Jay and Nic are moving out. Bastards.

Quote of the day: "I could shit you into submission." - Jay

Finally. A Chance to be Lazy

I finally have a day off. After working nine straight days, I can loaf around the house. Except I have things I need to do. At least I don't have to work.

Jay and I helpd Ed get his new trade section organized. Well, I should say Jay helped Ed. I just read Powers. Alissa, it's time you break down and read it. Do it!

Frank Miller's Robocop is fucking awesome. Robocop's name needed to be cleansed after all those crap video games.

I really want to write some new stuff, but it seems that I've hit a dry spell. I have a lot of things kicking around in my head, but can't really formulate more than just single lines or phrases. Somone inspire me dammit.

If You Don't Like Being Hurt Then Please Don't Stay

I've had a couple of people tell me over the past couple of days that I've been more withdrawn lately. I guess to some extent that's true. I think it has to do with the fact that I've realized that a situation that I hoped would turn out my way is not going to turn out my way. So I think it's a defense mechanism. I feel like I have to isolate myself so that nothing bad will happen to me. I wish that wasn't the case, because if I know that it's not going to work out my way, then that should be enough to keep me from getting hurt. Makes sense, right? It might also be because it feels like I'm constantly around people, like I have no time to myself. It's kind of a double edged sword. I love all my friends and I love hanging out with them. But I do also have this feeling that I need to be by myself sometimes. So I think that's where the withdrawing comes from. I don't know. I wish that I could just put myself out there and not worry about things that I shouldn't even have to be worrying about. For some reason I have a hard time just being myself sometimes. I admit that I'm mainly writing this for Steph, because she's asked me what's going on with me and I've never known how to explain it. I think it will get better once school starts because then I'll have something to focus on. Right now I don't have anything to focus on, and so I end up focusing on things that really don't even matter and that I shouldn't worry about. I'm babbling. So I'll stop. I hope this clears things up for people. If it just confuses you more, I'm sorry.

Home movies is one of the best shows ever. Coach is my hero.

Wow...uh...wow

Watched Daredevil last night. Affleck's hair was amazing. I couldn't stop thinking about it. Help me.

While You're Waiting, be Thankful for Your Fingers. I'll be fading with the Color of Your Pictures

"If it's okay, I'll just grab my shit and leave
I won't say one word, I'll keep my tricks up my sleeve
Flew off the handle you opened fire on me
Put me down, put me out of misery
I'm fatally yours"

"Fatally Yours" - Alkaline Trio

Arg

I can't sleep. I hate not being able to sleep. The worst part is that I'm tired as fuck and I still can't fall asleep. Curses. Time for Curveball I guess.

Would You Like Some Hard Candy?

Went to see Noe Venable the other night with Jay and Alissa (yay! she got to go). I'm in love. Noe's great. She did an awesome cover of a Leonard Cohn song (that's when I fell in love). She had great stage prescense. I love her.

Jay and I are burger buddies now. We both ate the $10 burger from Mel's. I think I had an illegal amount of beef in my bloodstream.

Beef lo mein.

Damn You Nintendo

So I got a shipment of crack in the mail today. No, I'm not talking about the drug. I'm talking about a game called Wario Ware. It's not illegal, but it's just as addictive. I spent the last two hours playing mini-games that involved jumping over a hot dog on wheels and other crazy stuff that only the Japanese could come up with. God I love that country.

Ed and Jay took me to Hallie's today. That was one of the best breakfastes I've ever had. It was worth getting up at 8 this morning.

Spider....he's our hero?

Jay just got me out of bed at 2 in the morning to help him kill a spider. It was red and scary. We were going to videotape it, but that meant that I would have had to put the slipper down. I probably won't be able to sleep tonight.

"This song is about last night. It's called 'This is Getting Over You'"

Wow. It's been awhile since I've blogged. Haven't be up to much lately. Although I did see Alkaline Trio twice. Rock. The first show was amazing...so much better than the Slim shows. The band was right on on all the songs, and you could tell that they were having a good time (especially Matt). Speaking of Matt, we shared a moment ("now that was a shared moment"). They played Cringe. Matt looked straight at me (and no, this isn't just a "I know he looked at me!" He was looking right at me) and we both sang the last line of the song while looking and smiling at each other ("You were the last good thing I ever saw...."). Yeah. I have an unhealthy obsession with Matt Skiba. The whole show was really awesome, and the venue (The Edge nightclub) was a really good venue as well. The second show was good as well, but not as awesome as the first show.

I'm pretty drunk right now. Alissa is going home tomorrow :{

I got the new Weakerthans album three weeks before it comes out. God I love Amoeba.

I think that's it.....bye

Eating day has a new chef

Next Wednesday will be a historic day for my eating day history (okay, so I've only had two eating days, but it's historic none the less). It will be the first eating day in which I place my trust solely in the hands of Jay. Why is that you ask? Well, it's because he is now head comic honcho (or comic lacky) at the ROhnert Park comic store. Will he be able to make good recommendations? Will he make me laugh like ed? Tune in sometime after wednesday to find out. I know you're as excited as I am (that is if you as big a loser as I am).

Two more days until I get to see Matt.

Zombies are the new monkeys?

Saw 28 Days Later today. It rocked. It's the best zombie movie since, well, since ever, since most of the zombie movies I've seen sucked ass. It's a good story and it looks nice too cause it was shot with digital cameras. Cool.

I've broken three of my guitar strings. It's 8 PM. No music stores are open. What the hell am I going to do? Oh...I know...video games.

Forget me, it's that simple

I feel so messed up inside I don't know what to do with myself. I can't even begin to describe it. I don't want to feel like this anymore. It's like I'm back in high school for crying out loud. Make it stop.

So take all these lies and be real again

Current chapter end....now

New chapter begin.... now

Oh god....

Our cat has butt worms. I know this because he sneezed and shot one onto my arm. Feeling sick yet? Good. Now you know how I feel.

People are really, amazingly dumb -or- I am never ever going back to Fairfax

So let me tell you about last night. Last night I went to see Tim of Mother Hips' fame in Fairfax. I went with Jeff, my co-worker. Jeff was totally full of energy and crazy, so hence I became very full of energy and crazy. I don't think the two of us have ever been crazier. Anyway, we get to the club (which is a pretty nice, small club), and the drunken craziness begins. The second I step in, and I mean the very second I step in, some drunk lady walks up to me and asks me if I know that I have to pay to get in. I let her know that I am aware of the fact. She says, "Isn't that unbelievable?" I nod my head in agreement, not wanting to upset the scary drunk woman. She seems satisfied and walks away. Okay. I pay and am in. Jeff and I walk to the back and comment on how small the place is. I go back to the doors to ask if any bands had played yet. After I find out that one had already played, I turn around, and this really cute girl starts talking to me. I get the feeling that the only reason she is talking to me and flirting with me is because she's trying to get me to buy the first bands cd (she was working the table). I ask her what they sound like. She says a little bit of Zepplin and AC/DC. I immediately decide that even though she is cute, I am not going to buy the cd. So I felt a little down that the only reason that she was talking to me was because she was trying to push a shitty cd on me. But that's not the point. The point is is that I was actually able to flirt back and have a somewhat intelligent conversation with her. So I was stoked. So we watched the second band. They sucked. The bassist pissed me off because he was wearing a stupid Dire Straits bandana and he was playing a headless bass, which I hate for some unexplainable reason. Right about the middle of their set I had my second run in with a drunk person. He was evidently the photographer for the club and he was very, very inebriated. He asks me how the hell is he supposed to photograph them when they suck so hard. I agree with him, again not wanting to anger the scary drunken stranger. So he goes wondering off (the dude was pacing the club all night). A couple minutes later, he comes back, says something to me, turns around and runs into our table, knocking my glass off. It of course shatters on the dance floor (thank god I had already drank all of the life giving beer). He wanders off to get someone to clean it up, and I just put my head in my hands, shaking it, wondering how I became a drunk magnent all of a sudden. After that, thet rest of the night was pretty normal. Tim ruled, and he looks like my dad would look if he were a skinny surfer boy. Weird. And I met Jeff's friend Bunky, whose friend is dating Chad from New Found Glory. Strange.

My hand hurts. Jay is going to be phone buddies with me. God I'm so pathetic.

I've had this really uneasy feeling in my stomach lately. I don't know what caused it or why it's around, but I have this constant feeling that something is not right.

I'll tell you all about my night tomorrow. I'm way too tired to talk about it now.

Jay told me to focus on the positive, so I'm going to try

So yeah. Jay told me to talk about more happier things. So Yacht Club was cool. Played darts with Ed and Jay. Drank a little, but didn't get too drunk. Now I finally get to read the comics I bought today. So I guess it's not all bad. Right Jay? You bastard.

Jay told me to title this "Today Sucked" so I am

Today sucked. I don't handle arguments and yelling very well, and suffice to say I was in an environment with a lot of arguments and yelling. It made me feel like I was living at home again, which is all sorts of bad. Seriously, this happened like 6 hours ago and I'm still on edge about it. I just do not take confrontations very well at all, and I still feel very uneasy about it. And I have to get up at 9 tomorrow to do yardwork. Joy of joy. I'm going to try and sleep now. Fun.