There's Never Enough Silence

(.........................................)

Ron Jeremy

There are a bunch of girls downstairs in their pajamas giggling and kicking balloons around. I feel like a porn star.

Let Your Losses Dangle off the Sharp Edge of the Century

Tomorrow is my last day working at the music store that I've worked at for the past 5 years. Now, I know I'm susceptible to sentimentality, but I think some is appropriate for this. I'm 23; I've worked there for roughly a 5th of my life (I say 5th because, as Peter Griffin would say, that's a fraction I can't even begin to measure. I cant divide 5 into 23 in my head. Or is it 23 into 5? Fuck, I don't know). In the scheme of my life, that's a fairly long time. It was the first real job I ever had. It wasn't a summer temp job; it was a real, honest to god 36-40 hours a week job. So, yesterday I was listening to Tegan & Sarah and the Weakerthans (two albums that got heavy rotation in the store) while receiving, and it brought up a lot of memories. Sure, I hated working retail, but I had so much fucking fun working there because of my co-workers. Working with Jeff was great because we got to music snobs and talk about stupid stuff and goof around (and get high while on the job every once in awhile); it was a blast. Larissa was awesome too. And I miss Marina to death. She was a great friend, and I regret losing touch with her.

So, if I have all these great memories, why the sentimentality? I'm fucking scared, that's why. I feel like so much change is right around the corner in my life. Now, don't get me wrong, I welcome change; evolution is a necessity. But, It still scares me. Most might think I'm referring to the wedding, but that actually scares me the least. I've lived with Steph for two years now, and I love her as much today as I did then. All that's changing is the title of what we are. What scares me is where I'm heading and what I'm leaving behind. I'll be honest; I still don't know what I want to do with my life, It changes on an almost daily basis. And that kind of worries me. I feel like I'll spend too much time trying to figure things out, that it will be too late to do anything when I do figure it out (please hold your "But you're only 23!" comments for now please). Second, I don't know if I want to live around here anymore. We just can't afford to live here, unless we fall into a substantial amount of money. But at the same time, everything I know is here; I've lived in this area my whole life. It's like a comfort zone for me, and all the friends I have are here (I don't have very many, but I'll take quality over quantity any day). That said, I'd love to live someplace else. I feel like I haven't really lived on my own yet because I've always had a safety net, something or someone to fall back on.

To sum it up, I'm at a crossroads, and the looming change has me somewhat scared. But at the same time I'm excited about all the possibilities. I do feel like for the first time, I can say "I want to do this," and I can actually do it. I guess that it's fitting that in the episode of "Six Feet Under" that I watched last night, Kathy Bates' character says to Ruth, "If you're scared of doing something, than that means you should probably do it."

Take a deep breath, be strong. First things first: I'm calling Marina.

Concert Going

We went to see New Found Glory at Slims last night. It was crazy. It was nice to see such a huge band at such a small venue. The crowd was insane; it reminded me of a Less Than Jake show. Anyway, it was good times. It's been awhile since I've been to a show. I miss going, since I used to go to shows all the time. Damn working nights!!!

Bear Food

bearfood
Originally uploaded by litheum94.

I was looking through a magazine at work and came across this. I found it interesting that you can purchase food for bears. I mean, I could understand if you were a zoo keeper, but I wouldn't think that you'd be buying food for your bears through a mail order magazine. But I could be wrong.

Smarter Than I Thought

So I was poking around Amazon.com just now, and I came across this book. It's abook about how you can tell a lot about a country by how big soccer is in the country (at least that's what I got from the small synopsis). Why does this matter? Because I was talking to Steph about this over sushi and drinks yesterday, and I thought that the idea just came from my drunken stupor. Turns out I brought up a good point. It's things like that, not things like graduating college, that help convince me that I am smart about some things.

End ego stroking.

I can not watch Celebrity Jeopardy. It's way too painful.

Are You Ready to Rock B.K. Broiler?!?

Hello to everyone. It's been awhile, but we finally have a stable internet connection at our new place, so I'm back. The new place rocks, and it's awesome to live with Matt again. Everything's been going well.

Yesterday was a good day. Matt and Steph and I hung out all day and we talked about a bunch of shit. Some of it was just bullshitting, some of it was stuff that we've been wanting to say for awhile but never did. Much progress was made. Avenues were opened, as well as my eyes to certain things. I feel refreshed today, for the first time in a long time. Thanks to Matt and Steph for sharing the experience with me.

I don't know what I'm going to do today. I may just go for a walk for a little bit. For some reason I've really been feeling the need to do that.

Talk to you all soon

Love Me Gently With a Chainsaw

All I want is to be able to go into work and not have to hear anybody bitching about something. Just one day. Please. It's starting to drive me crazy.

So we're moving again. Headed back to RP to live with Matt. I am going to miss living in our current place, but we'll save a good amount of money on gas, and I won't have to worry about getting sick from all the mold that developes in our house. I think it will be better for Steph and I as well to have a roommate again. We won't have to rely on each other as much for company. Not that I don't want her company, but, you know.

I must say the Super Bowl is overrated. People celebrate over the most mundane accomplishments. Stupid, and quite boring, I must say.

Fluffy bunnies

"The Shining," as acted out by bunnies.

Resident Evil: Apocalypse of the Lame

The only thing more cliche than zombie movies this day is finding out that one of your closest friends and/or relatives has been bitten by a zombie, and you now must kill him. Seriously, name a zombie movie made in which this doesn't happen. Anyway, I watched Resdient Evil: Apocalypse the other night, and, well, not even Milla Jovovich could save it. It was just lame; bad acting, stupid script, etc, etc.

Speaking of dissapointments, Panda Palace sucks. Now, you may ask me, "Jason, why the hell would you eat Panda Palace instead of eating real Chinese food?" Well, disembodied voice, it's because it's located in the same shopping center that I work in, so it's close. Anyway, the food sucked. I wish I could say that it was because it had been sitting around all day and thus was not fresh, except that I saw it come straight from the kitchen. The sweat and sour pork looked like it had been stepped on; all the pieces of pork were flat like saucers. They tasted like they were barely cooked, as was the pineapple. I can't even remember what else I had, and I'll count that as a blessing.

Extended Education

I picked up a Japanese language program the other day. I decided to learn a new language to fill up the extra hours that I have now that I'm done with school. I haven't actually started yet, because I haven't been home the last couple of days, but I'm stoked about it.

In other news, for people who need to fill some missing gap in their lives by knowing all the trivial happenings of my life (which I really hope is no one), I got new shoes today. I've decided to go back to wearing Vans. I've been wearing DCs for the past 3-4 years, but I don't like any of their new designs, so I'm trying Vans again.

I've been playing GTA:San Andreas lately. I wasn't as excited about this one, because I figured it would be just about the same as Vice City. Surprise, surprise, it is basically the same. But I still fucking love it. I forgot how awesome this game series has been (at least since 3). I mean, all they really added was some mini games and character customization, but the game itself is so fun, I can't put it down. And I must admit, I do have a lot of fun playing pool in the bars. It's nice to have a video game that I'm excited about again.

In case you were wondering

I knew that Costco sold a lot of shit, but I had no clue that they sold these.

I also recently picked up the deluxe edition of Nine Inch Nails' The Downward Spiral. I must say, it's the first remastered cd I've ever bought that sounds remarkably better than the original.